


Step 1

by msrogersstark



Category: The Avengers (2012), stony - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Sad, Stony - Freeform, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-09
Updated: 2012-11-09
Packaged: 2017-11-18 07:30:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/558442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msrogersstark/pseuds/msrogersstark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony get's low. Too low</p>
            </blockquote>





	Step 1

Step 1

Steve Rogers was sitting alone in the library in Stark Towers, slowly pressing through a classic that like him was timeless. It was just past midnight and he was about to go to bed when the announcement came:

“ _Mr. Rogers, Mr. Stark is in dire need of assistance_ ”

Steve froze in mid-step, his book falling to the floor.

“What did you say JARVIS?” Steve asked the AI, who’s voice was magically floating through the walls.

“ _Mr. Stark is in grave danger_ ,” JARVIS repeated.

Regaining his movement, Steve left the book discarded on the floor and ran out of the library. Skipping the elevator, he took the stairs 3 at a time and wasn’t even out of breath when he reached the workshop, 7 floors down. His fingers flew across the keypad and the workshop door gave a small click, which he barley noticed as he shoved past it and was met with a horrific scene.

Tony was kneeling on the floor, one hand clutching his arc reactor, the other holding a knife. Steve watched, his mouth hanging open as, slowly, Tony brought the knife close to his chest. Luckily for Steve, the few seconds it took for him to realize the situation, didn’t cost him Tony’s life. He tore across the floor and reached Tony’s side, kicking away the knife, hearing it hit the ground a few feet away. Steve dropped to his knees beside his boyfriend, who was looking at him with fearful eyes. In his haste, Steve had failed to remember that the Arc, the only thing that was keeping Tony alive, was not back in his chest. Steve kept his face calm, yet beneath the surface his emotions were fusing together, creating a black hole. He took Tony’s hand and forced him to put the reactor back in his chest. Thankfully, Tony hadn’t succeeded in his plan to cut the wires that connected his Arc to his chest. As soon as he heard the pop of the seal, Steve leaned back and let out a sigh. Then all of the rage inside him poured out.

“ANTHONY EDWARD STARK!” He screamed, hands shooting out and grabbing Tony’s shoulders. But then, due to the complete mix of emotions he was feeling, he felt tears spring to his eyes and he could only stare at his boyfriend. In Tony’s eyes he didn’t see any of the feelings that Steve had inside. There was no sadness, no anger, no remorse only disappointment. Steve knew deep down that Tony wasn’t disappointed in himself; he was disappointed in the fact that Steve had ruined his plans to end his life.

Steve and Tony sat on the ground for a while before Steve leaned forward and pulled Tony into a hug.

“Steve,” Tony whispered “Could you not tell anyone about this?”

“But Tony,” Was all Steve managed to get out before Tony plowed on.

“If they find out, then they’ll make me go through a whole bunch of tests and stuff. But more importantly, they’ll hate me Steve. And then it will find it’s way to the media and…” Tony trailed off, head falling to rest on Steve’s shoulder.

Steve sighed and said, “ I won’t tell them Tony. For now. But if it happens again, they’ll be hearing about it. Not only the rest of our team but S.H.I.E.L.D. too.”

Tony nodded and then stood up, “Well back to work then,” He said, a fake cheeriness in his voice.

“No,” Steve said forcefully “You need sleep Tony and no coffee.” He added, batting Tony’s hand away from the mug.

“Fine then,” Tony said, walking towards the door, “Let’s go.”

 

The next day passed rather smoothly, with Steve staying true to his word and Tony not trying to kill himself again. When it came to choosing the movie for movie night, Steve hurriedly vetoed any selections that included people killing themselves, be it on purpose or by accident. In the end they decided on Sherlock Holmes. It was a perfect fit for everyone. The intelligent yet delirious detective had everyone, even Tony, in hysterics.

Once the movie was finished, everyone went off to their separate rooms, leaving Tony and Steve alone on the couch.

“Can I ask you something?” Steve asked, trailing a hand through Tony’s dark hair.

“Sure,” Tony replied, “Do you need help with some tech or something? Trying to figure out Facebook?”

“Why’d you try to kill yourself?” Steve interrupted

“Oh that,” Tony said uncomfortably “You know Steve I’d much rather talk about Facebook”

“Tony,” Steve said angrily, “You need to answer my question.”

“Why do you think I did it?!” Tony yelled “Are you actually blind?”

“What?” Steve said, feeling hurt “Tony, I… I always thought you were happy”

“Me? Happy?” Tony asked sounding exasperated.

Steve put his hands up “You aren’t going to tell me are you?”

“No,” Tony said, standing up “And you Steven Rogers, are sleeping on the couch tonight. Got it?”

Sighing Steve said “Good night Tony”

In the morning they were all milling around in the kitchen. Bruce was at the stove cooking eggs; and Clint and Natasha were standing by the fridge talking about their missions the day before. Thor was preparing a bowl of cheerios, spilling the milk all over the table. Steve and Tony were sitting at the wooden table each reading the newspaper. Steve was reading the real copy while Tony flipped through it on his tablet. A smooth British voice floated into the room.

“ _Good morning,_ ” JARVIS said, “ _Although I realize that Mr. Stark did not actually commit the suicide that he had planned, he would still you to here his suicide note. It is as follows:_

_Fellow Avengers,_

_When you actually read this I’ll be dead and you’ll be grieving heavily. I hope you understand that this is the only way I could find to end my addictions and problems. I want you all to know that you all mean the world to me. Steve I need you to know that you were the only reason that I was actually doubting doing this. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. You mean or I guess meant the world to me and I’ll always love you._

_Love Tony”_

During JARVIS’s speech, Tony’s head had thunked down on the table and everyone had frozen, turning around to stare at Tony. As JARVIS finished talking, he stood up so fast that he knocked his chair right over, and pelted out of the kitchen. Everyone looked at Steve questioningly and the only thing he could say was,

“I promised,” before he went to find Tony.

 

Tony sat on the stairs, head between his knees, contemplating. _It shouldn’t be like this_ Tony thought. He shouldn’t have to think about whether or not to end his life. It should be easy. It’s always been easy for him. He’s never had to make a decision. Never had to think. But why was it hard now? All his thoughts led him to Steve. Steve was his anchor, the only reason he’d put this off, the most important person. He heard footsteps coming up the stairs and instantly tried to pull himself together.

“Don’t worry about it,” The person said “I’ve seen you worse than this.”

“That’s not possible Steve,” Tony replied

“Look, I’m not here to listen to you sulk. I came for one reason only. Why’d you let people know?”

“I thought that they deserved to know. I just didn’t know how to tell them”

“Well I’m sure they’ll be happy to know that you lied to them,” Steve said, rolling his eyes.

Laying his head on Steve’s shoulder, Tony said, “It’s going to work this time. I don’t belong here”

Suddenly Steve stood up, eyes blazing. Tony thought that he could even see the flames burning in Steve’s eyes.

“You know what?” Steve said, his voice raising. “End your life. See if I care”

Tony’s mouth dropped open and he stared at Steve who was pacing back and forth.

“Apparently,” Steve continued, “You can’t see that I love you. You don’t see that we all care about you. We don’t care about your problems and yeah you need to get rid of them but we love you.”

Steve paused for a second to catch his breath but his eyes still looked mutinous.

“And Tony,” He continued, his voice catching and beginning to break “I love you. That should be enough. I can see that it’s not. Through out your life, people have only pointed out your flaws so you hate yourself and I get that. But you need to stop being an idiot.”

Tony’s eyebrows shot up and Steve clenched and unclenched his fists multiple times before Tony spoke.

“I could think about it,” Tony replied, putting on his best “ I know what I’m talking about, why’re you telling me what to do?” face, even though he felt touched. Deep down something had changed.

Steve raised his eyebrows. “You’ll think about it?!”

“Steve I…” Tony started but Steve just turned around and ran down the stairs.

 

When Steve got back to the kitchen, he was met with astounded faces. Bruce looked shaky and Thor looked confused. Clint looked almost furious and Natasha looked borderline scared.

“What is this ‘suicide’?” Thor asked, breaking the silence.

Steve groaned and his knees buckled, plunging him to the ground. Thor stepped forward but Clint was faster. He hauled Steve to his feet and walked him towards a chair.

Bruce mumbled something about going to the lab and with a very un Clint-like emotion tracing his features- was that sadness? Steve wondered silently- Clint took Thor by the arm and pulled him out of the room.

Natasha took a seat beside Steve, obviously deep in thought.

“Steve,” She said slowly, as if she was regretting her words “You did the right thing. I’m sure that Tony was being his normally stuck up self. I’m sure he wasn’t going to go through with it.”

“Natasha,” Steve said, voice heavy with emotions “You weren’t there with Tony, the first time. His eyes had the weirdest emotions. I don’t know how to explain.” He stopped, trying to think of the proper words.

“Disappointed, hurt and worthless?” Someone from behind them supplied

Steve spun around and was face to face with Tony. Natasha moved so Tony could sit down.

“I’ll be in the gym with Clint if you need me,” she said, patting Steve on the shoulder.

Tony ran a hand through his hair and turned to look at Steve. Steve noticed that something had come over Tony. He’d seen it before. The steely look in his eyes, sealing in the hurt. It was his cover. To Steve, it was clear as day when Tony was trying to hide something. To the press, it was a different story. They didn’t and likely wouldn’t know this side of Tony.

“I’m sorry Steve,” Tony said, but his voice was breaking, loosing the steely calmness. “ I wasn’t thinking. It just gets to a certain point and…” Tony couldn’t finish. The words wouldn’t come out.

“ I get it Tony,” Steve replied his voice becoming hard. “ You didn’t care about anyone but yourself.”

Tony scrambled to find the right words. That wasn’t what he’d meant to say at all. He was apologizing to Steve for goodness sake. Steve should be showing sympathy, be happy that Tony wasn’t dead, that he was making a change.

“I’m trying to apologize for this Steve,” Tony said, sounding exasperated.

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it, Tony. You’ve dug yourself a huge hole. And you’re going to have to do a lot of persuading to get Director Fury off your case.”

Tony reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. He smoothed it out and placed it carefully on the wooden table. It read:

Tony Stark’s suicide recovery list

  1. Find and call a therapist
  2. Follow therapists steps
  3. Get rid of problems
  4. Be perfect



 

“Seriously Tony?” Steve said, after he’d read the list “You actually think this is all you have to do?”

“There’s more?” Tony asked, “I have to do more? Why can’t people just solve my problems?”

“It doesn’t work that way,” Steve said, standing up to grab a pencil from the drawer on the other side of the kitchen. He returned to the table and pulled the list towards him. Flipping the page over he wrote:

** Tony and Steve’s suicide recovery list **

  1. Explain to Clint, Thor, Natasha and Bruce, the reason behind the attempted suicide
  2. Ask Pepper to call a trusted therapist
  3. Actually attend the therapy sessions with or without Steve.
  4. Follow the steps asked by the therapist
  5. Limit drinking
  6. Don’t set a time limit
  7. Just go with the flow



 

Steve placed the pencil down on the table and turned to look at Tony.

“Do you think you can do this?” Steve asked, handing Tony the pencil

Tony wrote something underneath their list, in tiny perfect letters: Don’t let the media know.

“I agree with the list Steve,” Tony said, placing the pencil down on the table “But you don’t need to help. It’s my problem not yours”

“Tony,” Steve said with a sigh “Any problem of yours is a problem of mine.” He took Tony’s hand  “I want to help you”

Tony hugged Steve hard, burying his head in Steve’s chest.

“Did you actually mean those things you said to me on the stairs?” Tony asked “Because they are not the things that a good boyfriend should say”

Steve laughed “Tony. That was reverse psychology. Something Clint suggested I try”

Tony smiled. A real, honest to goodness smile. “Huh,” He said, “It worked. Wait, you kept your promise right?”

Steve nodded “Of course I did”

“Then,” Tony said, giving Steve his most accusing look “How did Clint tell you to use reverse psychology?”

“We’ve been trying to use it on you forever.” Steve replied, grinning at Tony.

 “Consider it science”

“Well who’s the genius now?” Tony joked, “Anyway, I should get to the workshop. These projects won’t finish themselves”

“There going to have to,” Steve said sternly “We need to achieve Step 1”

“Right,” Tony said, looking up at Steve, eyes this time filled with hope “ Step 1”

 

The End!

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me a note :) I wrote this for class so I couldn't quite put in everything ;)  
> Anyway I hope you enjoyed.


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